Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
