My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
