I want to walk on stilts...naked
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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