so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
