Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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