A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
