It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
