okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
