Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
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Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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