i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
