roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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