i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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