we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
