hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
