flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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