i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
