At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this just has baby written all over it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I sprained my soul last night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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