So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
