I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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