We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
