Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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