I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
