Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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