They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
