filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts