May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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