I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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