Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
