he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
