Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
