yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
