im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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