Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
