Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
