haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
