He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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