I have demons in me.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
