I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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