I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
