If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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