It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
