Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize