He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
