I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize