we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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