The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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