farters have to be the big spoon...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
