This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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