Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
