Christians are straight up FREAKS
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
tell me about the eggs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
