Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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