Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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