im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
