You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
