My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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