Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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