Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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