but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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