My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
