we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
