Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
