I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
