So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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