I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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