I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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