Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
