when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
