Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
