When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
