If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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