please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
