NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
