I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
