We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
