Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
