Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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