Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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