I must be too annoying 4 u.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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