I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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